break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Can I color on your dick again?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
