Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
