...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
