you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
