were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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