i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
