The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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