I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
