im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
