i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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