wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
