Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
