You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
When did angry sex become our thing?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
