i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
