She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
