I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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