My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
