Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
sex in a hospital.. check
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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