So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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