We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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