my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
