The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
