sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
