from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
