His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
