I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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