my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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