He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
