My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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