im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
do herpes really smell.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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