Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
