you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
