We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
