I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
