Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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