so explain again why im purple
no
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
