You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
