I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
NoShamevember. You game?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
