does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
