help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
This is the high leading the old right now
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
