i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
