Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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