she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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