I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
