Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
