This girl is more easily done than said...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
