Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
