Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
