A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
