That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
