Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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