I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
