i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
operation have a gay friend backfired
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
