I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
